The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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