I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
