Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
