I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
