Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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