I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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