I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
