My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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