Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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