hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
