May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
