why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
