I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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