My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
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