She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize