youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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