My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
