If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
