I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
