The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
