i just had sex bonerless
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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