'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
