My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
