I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
