but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
