found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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