You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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