ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
