Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
