I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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