Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
