first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
