i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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