I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize