sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
