I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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