she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
