My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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