had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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