While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
