ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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