If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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