i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
