so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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