let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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