Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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