I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
