ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
