So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
