I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
