Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
