I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
