I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
