i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
