If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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