I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
