She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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