Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
