those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize