"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
