Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
