"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
