I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
