hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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