if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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