I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
