i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The air was thick with penises
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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