they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
